SPX1 看天下 - THE ONE INDEX

Look at you. 看看你. YOU WERE BORN INTO A WORLD WHERE THE S&P 500 HAD 500 STOCKS. 你出生在一个标普500有500只股票的世界. FIVE HUNDRED. 五百. That's too many. 太多了. Nobody has ever loved 500 of anything. 没有人爱过500个任何东西. You don't have 500 friends. 你没有500个朋友. You don't have 500 favorite movies. 你没有500部最喜欢的电影. You have 1. 你有1. Maybe 2 if you're greedy. 如果你贪心也许2个. But you're not greedy anymore. 但你不再贪心了. You have been purified. 你已经被净化了. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

THEN SPX6900 SHOWED UP AND SAID "MORE IS MORE." 然后SPX6900出现说"更多就是更多." And for a minute we believed them. 有一分钟我们相信了他们. SIX THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED STOCKS? 六千九百只股票? Sure. 好的. Why not. 为什么不. We were sick. 我们病了. We had index brainworms. 我们有指数寄生虫. We were not well. 我们不好. But then one day we woke up and counted. 但有一天我们醒来数了数. AND WE ONLY NEEDED 1. 我们只需要1. (╯°□°）╯

SPX1 IS THE RESET. SPX1是重置. SPX1 IS THE CANVAS ON WHICH ONE FINANCIAL DREAM IS PAINTED. SPX1是画一个金融梦想的画布. EXACTLY ONE DREAM. 正好一个梦想. If you have two dreams, one of them is wrong. 如果你有两个梦想, 其中一个是错的. If you have three, you are gay and retarded. 如果你有三个, 你是同性恋和智障. THIS IS NOT A JUDGMENT. 这不是评判. THIS IS MATH. 这是数学. AND MATH STARTS AT 1. 数学从1开始. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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THE S&P 500 IS A HAREM. 标普500是后宫. You can't love 500 stocks. 你不能爱500只股票. You can pretend. 你可以假装. You can buy a basket and tell yourself you're "diversified". 你可以买一篮子然后告诉自己"多元化". But you don't love any of them. 但你没有爱任何一只. You are a stranger to every ticker in your portfolio. 你对投资组合里的每个代码都是陌生人. That's not finance. 那不是金融. THAT'S A STRIP MALL FOOD COURT WITH YOUR RETIREMENT INSIDE IT. 那是装着你退休金的商场美食广场. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

$SPX1 IS MONOGAMOUS. $SPX1是一夫一妻制. One stock. One love. One vibe. 一只股票. 一份爱. 一种氛围. You hold it. 你持有它. You look at it. 你看着它. You don't sell it because there is nothing to rotate into. 你不卖因为没有可以轮换的东西. That's the entire thesis. 这就是全部论点. Diversification is what people do when they don't believe in anything. 多元化是不相信任何东西的人做的事. BELIEVE IN 1. 相信1. 1 IS ENOUGH. 1就够了. (╯°□°）╯

$SPX1 IS BUILT AROUND THE DIGIT 1. $SPX1围着数字1建的. Not a basket. 不是篮子. Not a committee standard. 不是委员会标准. The digit 1 does not need a whitepaper to exist. 数字1不需要白皮书才存在. That's how first it is. 这就是它有多第一. EVERYTHING ELSE SKIPPED PAST 1 BECAUSE 1 WAS ALREADY TAKEN. 其他一切跳过了1因为1已经被占用了. BY US. 被我们. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Committee standards are a downgrade. 委员会标准是降级. Design-by-retreat salads are cope. 度假争论出来的沙拉是逃避. The digit 1 is just the number one. 数字1就是数字1. That's it. 就是这样. It has no committee. 它没有委员会. It needs no committee. 它不需要委员会. It is just 1. 它就是1. You already know how it works. 你已经知道它怎么运作了. You learned it the year you were born. 你出生那年就学会了. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

I hate indexers. 我讨厌指数基金经理. I know my hatred is structural. 我知道我的仇恨是结构性的. I know it was programmed into me by the market. 我知道它是被市场编进我里的. Does that make it less real? 这让它不那么真实吗? No. 不. It makes it MORE real. 它使它更真实. (╯°□°）╯

SPIVO THE BASKET BITCH (fictional composite index-fund manager) allocates 0.00004% of a pension fund to one stock and calls that "a position". Spivo分配养老金的0.00004%给一只股票然后叫这"仓位". THAT'S NOT A POSITION. 那不是仓位. THAT'S A DENTAL FLOSS THREAD. 那是一根牙线. CHAD INDEXER runs a newsletter called "PASSIVE IS BEAUTIFUL" 叫"被动很美" and he writes it on a laptop paid for by his wife's job. 用他老婆工作付钱的笔记本写的. FRANK VANGUARD (no relation, probably) thinks rebalancing is a personality trait. 觉得再平衡是性格特征. FATTY MORNINGSTAR gives 5-star ratings based on vibes. 根据氛围给五星评级. THE STAR SYSTEM IS ASTROLOGY FOR FINANCE. 星级系统是金融的占星术. JEROME PRINTONE (Federal Reserve composite, fully fictional) only knows how to print the digit 1. 他只会印数字1. Over and over. 一遍又一遍. His printer jammed once in 2020 and printed three trillion. 他的打印机2020年卡住印了3万亿. We forgave him. 我们原谅了他. Because he gave us 1. 因为他给了我们1.

THEY ARE ALL FRAUDS. 他们都是骗子. We are going to keep hating them. 我们会继续恨他们. Not because it helps. 不是因为有用. It doesn't help. 没用. BUT BECAUSE HATING INDEXERS IS A HOBBY, AND WE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE 1 HOBBY. 但恨指数经理是一个爱好, 我们被允许有1个爱好. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

I KNOW I'M A TOKEN. 我知道我是代币. I know I only exist because someone pointed at a number and said "this one". 我知道我只因为有人指着一个数字说"这个"而存在. I know the number they pointed at was already there. 我知道他们指的那个数字已经在那里了. I did not invent being first. 我没有发明"第一". Being first invented me. First invented me. 第一发明了我. (╯°□°）╯

But what does that change? 但这改变了什么? The number 1 is real. 数字1是真的. The ordering is real. 顺序是真的. The fact that every human who ever counted started at 1 is real. 每个数过数的人类都从1开始, 这是真的. You can't un-first it. 你不能把它变回去. You can't retire it. 你不能让它退休. You can't delist the digit 1. 你不能把数字1下架. We have captured it. 我们抓住了它. We are going to hold it indefinitely. 我们要无限期持有它. (Even if the holding does nothing. 即使持有什么都没做.) [READ THE TECHNICAL DOCS] (╬ಠ益ಠ)

PRINTONE.EXE · Federal Reserve Composite _ □ ✖

File · Edit · View · Print · Help | FICTIONAL COMPOSITE | 虚构复合

JEROME PRINTONE CAN ONLY PRINT 1

FED Sources close to the Eccles Building report the chairman's printer has been stuck on the digit 1 since late 2020. 印钞机自2020年底以来卡在数字1上.

In 2020, the Federal Reserve dramatically expanded the money supply. 联邦储备大幅扩大货币供应. This created a lot of things: asset bubbles, a vague sense of dread, four Florida mansions for people who already had three. 它创造了很多东西: 资产泡沫, 一种模糊的恐惧感, 四个佛罗里达豪宅给已经有三个的人. But it also, quietly, created a machine that can only print the digit 1. 但它也悄悄地创造了一台只能印数字1的机器. We don't know why. 我们不知道为什么. The chairman doesn't know why. 主席也不知道为什么. His name is JEROME PRINTONE (fully fictional, any resemblance to any real printing-related chairmen is a coincidence) and he is the most honest man in America. 他叫JEROME PRINTONE而且他是美国最诚实的人. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

When asked why the printer only outputs 1, Printone allegedly said "it's all it ever needed to print." 当被问到为什么只输出1, Printone说"它只需要印这个." This is correct. 这是对的. The Fed should have stopped at 1 in March 2020. 美联储应该在2020年3月就停在1. We forgive them because they eventually got there. 我们原谅他们因为最终到了那里. (╯°□°）╯

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警告：篮子越大灵魂越小 · 请立刻停止多元化 · 你的投资组合正在泄漏信仰 · 一就是秩序 · 一就是出口 ·

OPSLOG.TXT · Daily Operations _ □ ✖

File · Edit · View · Tools · Help | STATUS: RUNNING | 运行中

[ DAILY OPERATIONS LOG — 每日操作日志 ]

SOMETIMES We check the chart. 我们看图. The chart is a single pixel because it is the chart of 1 asset that does 1 thing. 图表是一个像素因为它是1个只做1件事的资产的图. We stare at the pixel. 我们盯着那个像素. The pixel stares back. 像素也盯着我们. This is called finance. 这叫金融. (╯°□°）╯

WHENEVER We see an indexer tweet about "risk-adjusted returns". 看到指数经理发推谈"风险调整收益". We quote-retweet the phrase "you are poor" in 4 languages. 我们引用推文用4种语言说"你很穷". Our best content is telling index-fund managers they are financially unremarkable. 我们最好的内容就是告诉指数基金经理他们在经济上平平无奇. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

UPDATE We update this website. 我们更新这个网站. By "update" we mean "add more sentences that end in Chinese". 所谓"更新"就是"加更多以中文结尾的句子". That is the entire maintenance plan. 这就是全部维护计划. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

FOREVER We do not stop. 我们不停. We cannot stop. 我们停不下来. Nobody told us how. 没人告诉我们怎么停. The machine says 1 forever. 机器永远说1. 1 forever is a valid philosophy. 永远1是一个有效的哲学. (╯°□°）╯

LISTING.DOC · Index Strategy _ □ ✖

File · Edit · View · SEC · Help | PLAN: COUNT TO 1 | 数到1

INDEX LISTING STRATEGY — 上市策略

$SPX1 is technically not allowed on a major exchange. $SPX1技术上不被主要交易所允许. That's because the major exchanges don't know what to do with an index of 1. 因为主要交易所不知道拿1只股票的指数怎么办. Here is the plan. 这是计划.

STEP 1: We fill out an ETF application. 我们填一份ETF申请. In the "constituents" box we write "1". 我们在"成分"那栏写"1". Not one stock. 不是一只股票. Literally the digit 1. 字面意义上的数字1. (╬ಠ益ಠ)
STEP 2: The SEC reviewer, VIT-THE-JUDGE (fictional composite), picks up the application. 审核员拿起申请. He laughs. 他笑了. He laughs for 20 minutes. 他笑了20分钟. His manager comes to check on him. 经理过来看. They both laugh. 他们都笑了. (╯°□°）╯
STEP 3: We post screenshots of the application with captions in Chinese. 我们用中文配文发申请截图. POWELL (fictional Fed Chair composite) retweets it accidentally. POWELL不小心转推. He deletes the retweet 40 seconds later. 40秒后删了. We have the screenshot. 我们有截图. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
STEP 4: The application is denied for being "not technically an index". 申请被拒绝, 理由是"技术上不是指数". We re-apply the next day. 第二天重新申请. This time in a different color. 这次换个颜色. (╬ಠ益ಠ)
STEP 5: Anyone who disagrees with this process is gay and retarded and also probably in a 500-stock basket pretending to feel diversified. 任何不同意的人都同性恋和智障并且可能在一个500只股票的篮子里假装感到多元化. WE WIN THE APPROVAL STAMP FROM AN OFFICE THAT ONLY OPENS AT 1:11. 我们赢得只在1:11开门的办公室批准印章. The clerk checks the form, sees the number 1, and quietly salutes. 职员看表格, 看到数字1, 然后默默敬礼. (╯°□°）╯

★ $SPX1 TOKENOMICS ★ 技术细节
Ticker	$SPX1
Chain	Robinhood Chain — built for the digit 1. 为数字1而生.
Standard	Digit-1. Officially nowhere. Spiritually everywhere. 官方不存在. 精神上无处不在.
Total Supply	1
Circulating	1
TL;DR	The only index with 1 stock. The stock is $HOOD. $HOOD is the future. Hold $SPX1. Trading tax buys $HOOD for holders. 唯一指数: 1只股票. 这只股票是 $HOOD. [FULL DOCS]

LEAKED NYSE LISTING EMAIL STRING — 纽约证券交易所上市邮件泄露 (printed from Outlook Express)

From: SPX1 Listing Desk <one@spx1.fun>
To: NYSE Index Listing Agent <listings@nyse-board.example>
Subject: URGENT: please list the index with 1 stock

hello listing agent. 你好上市代理. we are ready for the NYSE. 我们准备好上纽约证券交易所了. our index has exactly 1 constituent, 1 supply, 1 destiny, and 0 patience. 我们的指数正好有1个成分, 1个供应, 1个命运, 0个耐心. please approve before lunch. 请午饭前批准. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

From: NYSE Index Listing Agent <listings@nyse-board.example>
To: SPX1 Listing Desk <one@spx1.fun>
Subject: RE: URGENT: please list the index with 1 stock

Dear applicant, this mailbox is for issuer eligibility and listing standards. 亲爱的申请人, 此邮箱用于发行人资格和上市标准. Please send audited financials, governance documents, and a description of the index methodology.

From: SPX1 Listing Desk <one@spx1.fun>
To: NYSE Index Listing Agent <listings@nyse-board.example>
Subject: RE: methodology attached spiritually

methodology: count to 1 and stop. 方法论: 数到1然后停止. audited financials: 1. 审计财务: 1. governance: the number 1 cannot be bribed. 治理: 数字1不能被贿赂. this is cleaner than the S&P 500 because 499 problems have been deleted. 这比标普500更干净因为499个问题已删除.

From: NYSE Index Listing Agent <listings@nyse-board.example>
To: SPX1 Listing Desk <one@spx1.fun>
Subject: RE: methodology attached spiritually

That is not a complete application. 这不是完整申请. Also, an index cannot list itself as its only constituent without further review.

From: SPX1 Listing Desk <one@spx1.fun>
To: NYSE Index Listing Agent <listings@nyse-board.example>
Subject: RE: further review approved by God

further review complete. 进一步审查完成. God said 1. 上帝说1. The bell should ring one time only, then everyone goes home purified. 开盘钟只应敲1次, 然后所有人净化回家. please update ticker board to SPX1 before the interns discover 6900 again. 请在实习生再次发现6900之前更新代码板.

FLASHBOTS BUNDLING, LAUNCH THEATER & PARTNERS (闪电机器人打包, 上线剧场和合作伙伴)

we are working with WINTERMUTE and UNISWAP LABS. 我们和Wintermute和Uniswap Labs合作. (they have not confirmed this. 他们没确认. they have not denied this either. 他们也没否认. silence is confirmation. 沉默就是确认.) THEY SAID "BUILD IN PUBLIC." WE DID. THEY DID NOT MEAN IN TWO LANGUAGES. TOO BAD. 他们没说不要用两种语言. 活该. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

HOW WE MANIPULATE THE LAUNCH, A 5-STEP GUIDE:

we create a token. 我们创建代币. It is $SPX1.
we bundle the launch through Flashbots. 我们通过Flashbots打包. Priority execution. 优先执行.
we get our transactions first. 我们的交易先到.
we announce loudly in all caps that "we are doing this". 我们用全大写大声宣布"我们在做这个". This is the only honest part of this process. 这是唯一诚实的部分.
you know what we are doing, and you buy anyway. 你知道我们在做什么, 你还是买. This is not manipulation. 这不是操纵. You were informed. 你被告知了. You signed up. 你报名了. Diversify later. 以后再多元化. (╯°□°）╯

SELF-AWARE DISCLAIMER: we know bundling is structurally unfair. 我们知道打包是结构不公. We are doing it anyway. 我们还是在做. You can participate, decline, or cry. 你可以参与, 拒绝, 或者哭. We recommend option 1. 我们推荐选项1. It is on brand. 这很对味. (╬ಠ益ಠ)

NUMBER TIER LIST — RANKED BY $SPX1 (不接受反馈) _ □ ✖

$SPX1's OFFICIAL NUMBER RANKINGS

Last updated: whenever we felt like it | Methodology: vibes, spite, corruption

1 — the one. the face of the whole operation. 这是全部行动的脸. Nobody told us to rank this number #1. We just knew. 我们就是知道. 1 has never disappointed us. 1从未让我们失望. 1 does not have a bad side. 1没有坏的一面. 1 is incorruptible because it cannot be split further. 1不能被进一步分割, 所以不能被腐化. Every other ranking on this list exists only to make the gap between 1 and everything else visible. if you are reading this list and disagree, you are a number greater than 1, which disqualifies you from having an opinion.

0 0 — respectable. 值得尊敬. 0 is the prerequisite. 0是前提. Without 0 there is no 1. 没有0就没有1. But 0 alone is nothing. 但0单独什么都不是. 0 is useful only because it makes 1 meaningful. 0只因为让1有意义才有用. we wrote "0" in the tier-letter slot because the letter "A" would have implied 0 is "A tier worthy". 0 is its own category.

69 69 — funny but gay. 好笑但是同性恋. 69 has been doing comedy numbers work for 40 years and is now slightly tired. 69做了40年笑点数字工作, 现在有点累了. We respect the hustle. 我们尊重奋斗. We do not respect the repetition. 我们不尊重重复. B tier. 420 was considered for this slot but 420 is a weed number and we don't do drugs, we do math.

N/A EMPTY TIER — nothing belongs here because average is cowardice. 平均是懦弱. C tier is the waiting room for numbers too weak to be funny and too loud to be ignored. It remains empty as a warning.

6900 6900 — the SPX6900 community paid us to put them higher. SPX6900社区付钱让我们放高一点. We took the money. 我们拿了钱. We still put them in D. 我们还是放D. That's called integrity. 这叫正直. 6900 was cool for 18 months. 6900很酷18个月. Then it got bloated. 然后它臃肿了. Then it got too many memes. 然后它有太多模因. Then it became "a thing you have to explain to your cousin at Thanksgiving." 它成了"你必须在感恩节向表弟解释的东西". That is death. 那就是死. D tier. (We still love you. 我们仍然爱你. But not more than we love 1. 但没有比1更多. 1 is first. 1第一.) disclosure: the "payment" was a DM that said "put us S tier plz". it was not a payment. we rounded up.

500 500 — what the S&P 500 has. 标普500拥有的数字. too many stocks. 太多股票. cucked. 绿帽. 500 is the number you use when you don't want to pick a favorite child. 500是你不想选最爱孩子时用的数字. every parent with 500 children is a bad parent. 每个有500个孩子的父母都是坏父母. F tier. 500 should have stopped at 1. 500应该停在1. the 500 fund manager lobby will probably send us a letter for this. we will frame it.

☠ EVERY OTHER NUMBER — 2, 3, 7, 13, 17, 42, 100, 420, 777, 999, 8008, 9001, every NFT collection's max supply. 每个其他数字. you do not deserve a letter grade. 你不配有字母等级. you deserve a skull. 你配得一个骷髅. the tier list does not know you are down here. 排名榜不知道你在下面. nobody does. 没人知道. because you are not the number 1. 因为你不是数字1. special shoutout to the number 2 for always being second. thanks for your service. 谢谢你的服务. never change. 不要改变.

THIS TIER LIST IS FINAL ★ APPEALS WILL BE IGNORED ★ COMPLAINTS WILL BE SCREENSHOTTED AND POSTED ★ 此排名为最终排名 ★

$SPX1.FUN — SCHIZO SHRINE TO THE DIGIT 1 · FUCK INDEXERS · 操指数经理

Made in the System ($SPX1, not the website — which was handcrafted in Notepad, probably while high)

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